The Wellness We Forget: Learning to Care for Ourselves

August is a month filled with different health, social and cultural awareness observances. From National Immunization Awareness Month and National Black Business Month to Children’s Eye Health and Safety Month, the month gives us many reasons to pause and think about the different aspects of our lives and communities that deserve greater attention.

But today on Wander and Weave, I want to talk about something that is deeply personal to all of us: wellness.

August is recognised as National Wellness Month, a time dedicated to encouraging self-care, stress management and healthy lifestyle habits. At first glance, wellness can sound like another one of those trendy words we hear everywhere. We see beautiful social media posts about morning routines, green smoothies, expensive skincare, gym memberships, candles, retreats and quiet weekends away. Sometimes wellness can almost look like a luxury reserved for people who have the money and time to create a perfectly curated life.

But wellness is so much more than that. Wellness is not necessarily booking a spa day, buying a new journal or taking a holiday. Sometimes wellness is simply drinking enough water because you have spent the entire day running around. Sometimes it is going to bed instead of forcing yourself to finish one more task. Sometimes it is saying, “I cannot do this today,” without feeling guilty. Sometimes it is taking a walk, calling a friend, eating a proper meal or sitting quietly for a few minutes without feeling the need to be productive.

And perhaps this is something many of us, particularly those from African backgrounds, need to hear.

We come from cultures where resilience is deeply celebrated. We are taught to work hard, endure difficult circumstances, provide for others and keep moving even when life becomes difficult. There is beauty in that resilience. Our communities have survived economic hardship, migration, displacement, discrimination, family struggles and countless other challenges because people learned how to keep going.

But there is a danger in constantly celebrating our ability to endure. Sometimes we become so good at surviving that we forget that we are also allowed to rest. There is a difference between resilience and constantly living in survival mode. Being strong does not mean ignoring exhaustion. Being responsible does not mean carrying everyone else's problems. Being a good daughter, son, sister, brother, wife, husband, parent or friend does not mean abandoning yourself in the process.

Wellness asks us to consider something different: What would it look like to care for ourselves before we completely run out of ourselves?

For me, wellness begins with recognising that our bodies are not machines. Our physical health matters. We need movement, nourishing food, adequate sleep and enough water. This does not have to mean following the latest diet or spending hours in a gym. A short walk around the neighbourhood counts. Stretching in your room counts. Choosing a nourishing meal when you could easily skip eating counts. Drinking water throughout the day counts. Going to bed at a reasonable time counts. These things may seem incredibly small, but that is actually the point. Wellness is often built through small decisions repeated consistently rather than dramatic changes that we cannot sustain. A glass of water today may not transform your life, but learning to consistently hydrate yourself is a habit that supports your body over time. A short walk may not feel significant, but regular movement can become part of a healthier lifestyle. One night of good sleep will not solve every problem, but prioritising quality sleep can make a meaningful difference to how we function.

Our mental and emotional wellbeing deserves the same attention. There are many things we carry silently: the pressure to succeed, family expectations, financial responsibilities, loneliness, relationships, work, migration, parenting, grief, uncertainty about the future and the pressure of appearing successful when we are struggling privately.

And because mental health conversations have not always been easy within many African communities, some people have learned to suffer quietly.

We may say, “Pray about it,” when someone is struggling. And prayer can absolutely be an important source of comfort, strength and hope. But seeking professional help does not mean that we lack faith. Speaking to a therapist does not mean that we are weak. Setting boundaries does not mean that we no longer love our families.

Sometimes wellness means acknowledging that something is hurting and allowing ourselves to receive help. It also means learning to manage the amount of noise we allow into our minds.

Our phones are constantly demanding our attention. We wake up and reach for them. We scroll during meals, before bed and sometimes even when we are spending time with people we love. Social media can connect us to the world, but it can also expose us to endless comparison, bad news and unrealistic expectations.

Sometimes we need to unplug. Put the phone down, take a walk without documenting it, sit outside, read a book, have a conversation, listen to music, pray, reflect or simply do absolutely nothing for a few minutes. Rest is not wasted time.

This is also where social wellness comes into the picture. Human beings need connection. Wellness is not only about what we eat or how much we exercise; it is also about the people we surround ourselves with. Meaningful friendships, family relationships, community and belonging can all contribute to our overall wellbeing.

For many Africans, community is already woven deeply into our cultures. We know what it means to gather around a table, share food, check on a neighbour, attend family celebrations and show up when someone needs help. Ubuntu reminds us that our wellbeing is connected to the wellbeing of others.

But community should not only mean what we can give. We also need spaces where we can receive.

Who can you call when you are having a difficult day? Who makes you laugh? Who listens without immediately judging or trying to fix you? Who reminds you that you do not have to have everything figured out?

Those relationships matter. And perhaps wellness also means becoming intentional about the relationships that drain us. We cannot talk about wellbeing without talking about boundaries. Sometimes protecting your peace requires saying no. Sometimes it means stepping away from relationships that consistently leave you depleted. Sometimes it means accepting that you cannot be available to everyone all the time. That is not selfishness. That is stewardship of the life you have been given.

I also think we need to challenge the idea that wellness must be expensive. You do not need a luxury retreat to practise wellness. You do not need an expensive gym membership. You do not need a refrigerator filled with exotic superfoods. You do not need to completely reinvent your life. Wellness can look like the things our mothers and grandmothers have been doing for generations: cooking nourishing food at home, walking to places, spending time with family, sitting outside, gardening, resting, sharing stories, dancing, singing, laughing and creating community. There is wisdom in many of our traditional ways of living that modern wellness culture is only beginning to rediscover.

Of course, we also need to recognise that access to wellness is not equal. It is difficult to tell someone to “just relax” when they are working multiple jobs, caring for children, dealing with financial pressure or living far away from their support system. Telling people to prioritise wellness without acknowledging the realities of poverty, discrimination, work pressures and unequal access to healthcare can make wellness sound disconnected from real life.

That is why wellness should also be about creating healthier communities and making resources more accessible. It is about having conversations around mental health, encouraging people to attend medical check-ups, making nutritious food accessible, creating safe spaces for children to play and adults to move, and supporting people who are struggling rather than judging them for not being strong enough. Wellness is personal, but it is also collective. So perhaps this August, instead of asking ourselves, “How can I completely transform my life?” we can ask a gentler question: What is one small thing I can do today to take better care of myself? Maybe it is drinking more water, taking a short walk, getting at least seven hours of sleep when possible, taking a break from your screen, eating something nourishing, spending time with someone who makes you feel safe, praying or meditating, asking for help, setting a boundary, making that doctor's appointment, taking a deep breath or simply resting. And then doing it again tomorrow.

Because wellness is not about becoming a perfect version of ourselves. It is about becoming more attentive to the person we already are and recognising that our bodies, minds, relationships and spirits deserve care. We spend so much of our lives taking care of everything and everyone else. Perhaps this month can be a reminder that we are part of the equation too. You are not only here to work, provide, be strong or survive. You are here to live, to experience joy, to rest, to connect, to grow and to take care of the life within you. So this August, let wellness be less about perfection and more about intention, less about expensive routines and more about sustainable habits, and less about performing a healthy life for social media and more about actually feeling well when nobody is watching. Because sometimes the most radical act of self-care is simply remembering that you matter too.