The Questions We Ask, The Wounds We Don't See.

Your Womb Is Not Community Property

June is World Infertility Awareness Month, a time dedicated to raising awareness, breaking stigma, and supporting the millions of people around the world who are navigating fertility challenges, pregnancy loss, and the often complicated journey of building a family. While infertility affects an estimated one in six people globally, it remains one of the least understood and most stigmatized health issues, particularly in many African communities where conversations around fertility are often clouded by cultural expectations, assumptions, and judgment.

Growing up in Zimbabwe, many of us were raised to believe that marriage and children naturally go hand in hand. For generations, parenthood has been viewed as one of life's greatest milestones, and there is nothing wrong with celebrating family and children. However, somewhere along the way, society developed an unhealthy habit of turning other people's reproductive journeys into public business. A couple gets married, and almost immediately the questions begin. "When are you having a baby?" "What are you waiting for?" "It's been a year already." "We want grandchildren." These questions are often asked casually, sometimes jokingly, and occasionally with genuine curiosity. Yet what many people fail to realize is that behind those questions may be a story they know absolutely nothing about.

For some couples, pregnancy happens quickly. For others, it takes months or years. For some, it may never happen naturally at all. The reality is that infertility is far more common than many people think. Medical experts define infertility as the inability to conceive after a year of regular, unprotected intercourse. There are many factors that can contribute to infertility, and contrary to popular belief, it is not solely a woman's issue.

In women, one of the most common causes of infertility is irregular ovulation. Conditions such as Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) can affect the body's ability to release eggs consistently, making conception more difficult. Other factors include blocked fallopian tubes, which may result from pelvic infections, endometriosis, or previous surgeries. Age can also play a significant role, as fertility naturally declines over time due to a decrease in both the quantity and quality of eggs.

For men, infertility is often linked to sperm-related issues. Low sperm count, poor sperm movement, genetic conditions, previous surgeries, hormonal imbalances, and even certain medications can affect fertility. Yet despite these facts, many societies continue to place the burden of infertility almost entirely on women. In many African communities, when a couple struggles to conceive, it is often the woman who faces the questions, the scrutiny, and sometimes even the blame. Rarely do people stop to consider that fertility challenges can affect both partners.

What makes this issue particularly painful is that infertility is not only a medical challenge; it is often an emotional and social one as well. Imagine attending family gatherings where every conversation eventually circles back to children. Imagine smiling through questions you have heard dozens of times while carrying private grief that nobody can see. Imagine sitting through church services where every sermon about family feels like it is aimed directly at you. Imagine watching friends announce pregnancies while you quietly wonder if your turn will ever come.

The truth is that many people who ask these questions are unaware of the pain they may be causing. They do not know about the countless medical appointments, the hormone treatments, the miscarriages, the negative pregnancy tests, the financial strain, or the sleepless nights filled with tears and prayers. They do not know because many people suffering from infertility choose to carry their struggles privately. Yet society often demands answers to questions it has no right to ask.

Perhaps this is where we need to challenge ourselves as a culture. Why do we feel entitled to information about another person's reproductive life? Why have we normalized discussing someone's womb as though it belongs to the community? We would never feel comfortable asking detailed questions about someone's finances, medical history, or marriage struggles in public. Yet questions about fertility are often treated as acceptable conversation starters. The reality is that a person's ability or inability to have children is deeply personal. It is not public entertainment. It is not gossip material. It is not something anyone should feel pressured to explain.

World Infertility Awareness Month is not only about understanding the medical causes of infertility. It is also about creating a more compassionate society. It is about learning that not every couple wants children immediately. It is about recognizing that some couples may be trying and struggling. It is about acknowledging that others may be grieving losses they have never shared publicly. Most importantly, it is about respecting boundaries.

To those who are walking the difficult road of infertility, this month serves as a reminder that your worth is not defined by your ability to conceive. You are not less of a woman because you have not carried a child. You are not less of a man because you face fertility challenges. Your value does not begin with a positive pregnancy test, nor does it end with a diagnosis. Your life has meaning, purpose, and beauty beyond what society may choose to measure.

As we observe World Infertility Awareness Month, perhaps the most important lesson for all of us is surprisingly simple: sometimes the kindest thing we can do is remain silent. Not every silence needs to be filled with questions. Not every couple owes us an explanation. Not every story is ours to know. Compassion is not always found in what we say. Sometimes compassion is found in what we choose not to ask.

The next time you are tempted to ask someone when they are having a baby, pause for a moment. Consider the possibility that there may be a battle you cannot see. Consider the possibility that your question may reopen a wound you know nothing about. Then choose kindness instead.

After all, someone's womb is not community property.