The Triangle That Isn’t Always Equal – Navigating Three-Way Relationships

Okay, let’s start here – I know lately I haven’t been writing much about food, fashion, or DIYs, but bear with me for a minute. I’ve got some drafts to clear out of my soul first – and sometimes, that means sharing the hard, messy stuff we deal with daily. Let’s talk about three-way relationships. No, not the romantic kind – I mean the kind that show up in friendships, sisterhoods, and family bonds.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a space where you’re surrounded by people you care deeply about, yet you still feel alone. Not because they don't love you — but because somehow, there's always a pair within the trio, and you’re the one orbiting around their bond. You’re there, physically present, emotionally available, but spiritually out of sync. Conversations start with, “I think I already told you this,” or “I had already talked to her about it, but you can come along too.” And boom, just like that, you realize… you weren’t part of the decision. You were just being updated, like a guest appearance in your own friendship.

It hurts. Quietly and deeply.

I had a one-on-one conversation with one of my sisters recently, and it brought this all back into focus. She poured her heart out, saying how she often feels like she’s just tagging along, like her presence is tolerated rather than treasured. And I felt that. I felt every word because I’ve been there too. Where the plans are already made, the emotions already weighed, and all that’s left for you is to nod politely, so you don’t come off as a bitter or inconvenient type of person. You don’t want to mess up the vibe or appear overly sensitive, so you shrink. You shrink your voice, your feelings, your needs — just to keep the peace. But deep down, something is chipping away at you.

You start to question your value in the dynamic. You wonder if they would notice if you stopped showing up. You wonder if your silence makes you invisible or if your presence ever made a difference at all. And the worst part? It’s not even about jealousy. It’s about longing — longing to feel like an equal, longing to feel like your energy matters as much as everyone else's in the room.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying people shouldn’t have other close bonds. We all need our safe spaces and go-to people. But I do think that in any relationship dynamic — especially in these three-way ones — there’s a responsibility. A responsibility to check in with yourself and ask: am I making space for everyone? Am I making someone feel less than because I always have a “plus one” to everything, emotionally and socially?

If you’re the one constantly caught up in the comfort of your default person, it’s time to be emotionally intelligent — and intentional. It doesn’t take much to pause and ask, “Hey, how do you feel about this?” or “What do you think?” Little things like that can shift the whole vibe and make someone feel seen again.

And to the girl who feels emotionally left out — sis, I see you. It’s okay to speak up. Even if your voice shakes. Even if your heart races. Even if it sounds silly in your head. You have the right to say, “I feel excluded,” or “This doesn’t feel fair.” You’re not too much. You’re not being dramatic. You’re being honest. And that honesty might be the beginning of healing — for you and maybe even for them.

We’re not always going to get these relationships right. Sometimes, triangles balance beautifully. Other times, one side pulls too hard, and everything leans. But what I’ve learned is this: you cannot keep shrinking just to stay in a space that no longer holds you with care. You cannot keep biting your tongue to avoid sounding bitter when what you really are is brave for feeling so deeply.

I might go on and on, but maybe that’s the point. Maybe some stories aren’t meant to be neatly tied with bows — maybe they’re meant to just spill, raw and real, so that someone else reading feels less alone. So if you’re in a space like that right now, feeling like the invisible thread holding people together but never really held yourself — I hope you find your voice. I hope you start choosing spaces that make you feel whole. And I hope those who truly love you, see you — fully, finally, and without hesitation.

"Friendship is not about who’s closest — it’s about who makes sure you never feel far away."