The Cost of Pleasing Everyone: My Journey to Self-Love and Boundaries

 

The Cost of Pleasing Everyone: My Journey to Self-Love and Boundaries

Growing up, I always wanted to be perfect in everyone’s eyes. I strived to tick all the boxes: good grades, clean chores, respectful demeanor. It wasn’t just about being a “good child”; it was about avoiding conflict, earning approval, and keeping the peace—even at the expense of my happiness. Looking back, I realize I was a textbook people-pleaser, a trait that shaped my relationships and self-worth in ways I couldn’t understand at the time.

As a child, I thought pleasing everyone was my superpower. When friends at school bullied me, eating half of my lunch while spinning excuses like, “My mom didn’t pack me any,” I let it slide. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t true, but confronting them felt scarier than giving up my sandwich. It wasn’t just my friends—it happened at home too. I avoided sharing my true feelings, scared that doing so would make my family upset or angry with me.

Fast forward to college, and the pattern persisted. One time, my ex boyfriend’s sister came to my apartment while I was out and took my clothes without my permission. I was furious, but instead of speaking up, I bit my tongue. Why? Because I didn’t want to “rock the boat.” This wasn’t a one-time thing. Friends would cross boundaries, displaying jealousy or competing with me in subtle ways. I’d let it slide every time, smiling through my discomfort.

For years, I told myself it was okay to sacrifice my own happiness to keep relationships intact. I thought being accommodating and agreeable was the way to show love. But all it showed was that I didn’t love myself enough to set boundaries.

It wasn’t until I started working on myself—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—that I realized the toll this pattern had taken on my life. I learned that it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to express discomfort. It’s okay to choose yourself. The more I grew into this mindset, the freer I became.

Today, I stand in my truth. I’ve learned to let go of relationships that weigh me down, whether it’s unsupportive family members, friends who don’t celebrate my wins, or people who belittle my creative pursuits. Building boundaries hasn’t just protected my peace—it’s opened doors to joy, success, and self-confidence I never thought possible.

For anyone reading this and feeling the same pull to please others at your own expense, remember this: you don’t owe anyone your happiness. The relationships worth keeping are the ones where love and respect flow both ways.

"The moment you stop seeking approval from others is the moment you start approving of yourself—and that’s the only validation you need."